Monday, October 6, 2008

A Requiem

I could see the end so clearly, before the beginning. Lonely again with my heavy olive rucksack and a broken spirit, staring at the airport doors. Just like it was beginning. I stared blankly at the permuting arrival lounge information board. The green lights next to every flight lit up, except one. People in ties, suits, shorts stormed out of the glass doors. All looking for a familiar face.

In a time when anyone would have a thumping heart and moist palms, I was morose. And as if the overwhelming sense of precognition that showed me the end wasn't enough, my iPod began a song I otherwise loved.

Wednesday morning at five o'clock
as the day begins
Silently closing her bedroom door
Leaving the note that she hoped would say more
She goes downstairs to the kitchen

I could see everything. How we'd walk in through the same gate, through the same half built bridge, and dump our bags in front of the cafe. Sit together, have a sip. And before I could blink it would be time to go.

Through the glass doors again, past the burly guards. And I peered through the glass, slowly the sorrow dawning. The misty glass blurring my last glimpses. A lump in my throat, no crying of course, grown men don't cry. What if she turned back to see me?

is leaving
She's leaving home after living alone for
so many years

The music did not matter anymore. The absence of joy was obvious, but what remained was nameless. Two years of separation punctuated by two days of bliss seemed fatal.

Two blinking green lights pierced my sorrowful menagerie. And in the exodus I spotted straight hair and a kurta. My sweaty palms groped for the flowers and the piece of card, surely my heart would explode of excitement. Springing with my seemingly weightless rucksack I ran after her.

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Reasonable Rejections

In my quest for employment I chanced upon 14 prospective employers who innocently rejected me in the written test.
But there are very few souls as lucky as yours truly. There are people who have been through multiple long, torturous and most unfortunately failed interviews. That, and my interviews, cumulatively prove just one thing, interviewers depend a LOT on the gut feeling.

It is tough to accept the fact that humans, in the form of interviewers or any other, may like or dislike WITHOUT reason. Sometimes you just can't form a good impression of something. Like potato chips in a box. I find that really stupid. Who eats potato chips out of a box? and why? You need to be either extremely dumb or American. But look around now, everyone loves potato chips in a box, and no one knows why.

Interviewers think very similarly, being evolved mammals like us. Of course the inevitable question is- Why? Why was XYZ rejected?

And for a period of time, the length depends on the IQ of the interviewer or how much his company pays him, he is puzzled. He finds no reason, and of course he can tell the man who heads our placement operations that he just disliked the candidate. and thence continues the long, winding and recursive process of interview, lies and fabrication.

First our college lies to them.
Then they give us a presentation full of deceit, including efforts by one of the world's leading electronic chip manufacturers to prove that their "Dosti Cell" helps cure loneliness.
Then we tell them a truck load of bullshit in the interviews and make American Universities seem as stupid as American Presidents. We also stop short of declaring a fatwa on the GRE.
Then they lie to the college about why they rejected so many.

These of course form the main layers of deceit. Their sublayer, processes and sub-processes have been avoided to conserve the lucidity of the text.

Of course there are some really creative employers and in their excuses we find some traits in their personality exposed.

Here are some REAL excuses.

1. He salivated from his left side.
Everybody knows that salivating from your right side is standard business protocol. Although salivators are generally avoided since most of the world leaders have salivaphobia. Also salivators dirty keyboards and microphones.

2. The Middle Earth was unhappy.
Nothing left to say. Tolkien fan I presume.

3. He doesn't even know that a Bangalore Electrical Engineering firm has a branch office in the Breeze Hotel on the ground floor.
My favourite because the interviewer pointed his finger at me and said it as if branding me a heretic. I don't think winking and sticking my tongue helped, but the HR panel found it funny.

4. He wore a black tie.
What a fool! All IT companies have 2 standard advisors, the how to save Income Tax money people and Linda Goodman. And black ties are thrice as unlucky as two black cats walking anti parallely across the street. Stupid Engineer.

5. I don't think you are suitable for this profile(NOT the other way round).
Firstly, I sat for the company because I want the profile.
Secondly, why the fuck did you shortlist my CV?

There are so many more still to be documented that I could make another blog out of it.
Anyway, bottom line is placements more often then not are lotteries. You can do anything without luck, apart from trip of course.

Saturday, September 27, 2008

The Blues

The little sparrows play in the muddy puddle,
My stupid hair is in a bloody muddle,
The pages take too long to load,
Leaving me tired and bored,
For I find more joy than getting into bed with three,
In the art of penning shitty poetry.


Tuesday, September 23, 2008

A Dog Named Whisky (Parte1)

She found us late on Friday night,
This furry ball of black and white,
Beady eyes and a rolling head,
Someone stop her from peeing on my friggin' bed,

Her name was Whisky

We stole all her milk and buried her bones,
Taped her mouth and stopped those groans,
Tied her up and put her in a sack,
But that stupid dog kept coming back!

Her name was Whisky.

So we gave her some beer and fed her some weed,
But that little bitch was from a different breed,
She lapped'em up like never before,
And by the end of the night she wanted more!

Her name was Whisky.


Thursday, July 31, 2008


In on of my recent grasslandic voyages, I was bitten by the analogy bug. Quite bad, less of a sting and more of a love bite. As my mental graphic tirade journeyed from gay parades to post, I popped another trip candy in. Then came the analogy of the millenium, you know, ones that come only once in like, many months. 

Girls and Candy. Perfect.

So what would make the perfect companion? 

Those little pellets of Orange candy? The dissolve quickly, permeate your senses with a distinct flavour, leave some not-so-pretty but worth a laugh residue on your tongues, and every time you bite them they deliver this, well, tangy, spine tickling citric orgasm. Certainly not a perfect companion, more like a one-night stand, or a nice quickie. A friend of mine found two pellets wrapped together, so I guess he got lucky with the twins. 

Bubblegum? Maybe, they last long for sure. But they're also shapeless, ill-flavoured, stick all over you if try blowing bubbles and are evidently messy. You can't have too many and most of all, you certainly can't swallow them. Aging, irritable, tasteless, fat, old, boring. Copulative analogies impossible. 

Then comes me trump. The one candy that defines companionship. The lollipop. Its just brilliant, the last very long, have an amazing amount of flavour, awlays have a trick up their sleeve when you reach the centre. They're visually appealing, minimalistic but beautifully dressed, cheap and stay by your side as long as they last. They're not hidden like the pellets or incessantly bitten like the gum. You can pull them out anytime you want. Admire the colours blurring together and the contours that your tongue just gave it. It fades away slowly but there is no sadness, just the unending and inevitable dollops of pleasure that overwhelm you. And whenever you feel kinky you can give it a little bite. 

An when it does end, it doesn't just disappear like the selfish orange candy. Nor does it end up dead wrapped in a piece of paper or stuck on someone's shoe like the gum. It leaves a slender reminder of how good she was, a plastic twig that you can look at and smile for a fleeting second atleast. 

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Is it just me or does sambar make everyone fart?


Thursday, July 10, 2008

Finally somebody has the brains to un-ban blogspot on our college server. And we're a leading engineering institute.