Mine's Bigger

One day, in a restaurant I have started detesting, I quite unfortunately happen to occupy a table next to a bunch of over-enthused college kids.
Quite apparently, they seemed to be from different colleges.
Do you know what is the worst part about a bunch of people from different colleges? The bragging. Its so plainly irritating. 
Anyway, I am sure my analysis will be certainly biased. So I've decided to accurately put the up the conversation here so that you can judge for yourself.

CG1:College Guy 1
CG2:College Guy 2
CG3:College Guy 3

CG1: Dude, you know in my college no one studies. Ever. Its like banned. If you study you get a year back.

CG2: Oh that's nothing. My college people dint study and still get year backs. The there are other who reverse study. They lose all their knowledge before their exams. These are normally the 9 pointers.

CG3: What? Thats nonsense. No one can lose their knowledge of course. But that 9 pointer part makes sense. Anyway, my college is way cooler. Everyone smokes marijuana. One day, my roommate smoked 450 rupees worth of marijuana.

me:Groaning and looking at the waiter. Begging him to get my food.

CG1: Oh thats peanuts. My roommate smoked 1500 rupees worth of maal. I'm not sure about this marrijuna. What is it?

CG2:Its the same thing stupid We put it in our mess food. Oh it was so much fun..blah blah blah

me:Still looking at the waiter. Making life size B52 models with tissues.

CG1: Does your hostel have LAN?

CG3: Oh what a stupid question (!) My hostel has 10 kzillion fourteen billion GB shared. We have all the latest songs, movies, games useless and absolutely non sensical photographs of rabbit couples and woodpeckers in wife swap like compromising poses.

CG1: Ha! Thats it? We have turtles and sea otters too.

CG2:All that is nothing compared to what you find on my LAN (One waiter brings a plateful of food. My eyes light up) Even before movies release, they're on our LAN because the photons in our lan move faster than light and hence they time travel. (bus boy laughs. Even he knows photons can't travel faster than light)

Waiter puts food on their table. My blood curdles. He looks at me and passes out.

CG2: (between mouthfuls) The food in our mess is so bad we found a cockroach in the pulao.

I fantasize cockroach pulao. Seems sumptuous.

CG1: OH thats nice. In our pulao we have to hunt for rice in between the cockroaches.

A small spider crawls up next to CG2's plate. He instantly throws up. He accuses the spider of ignoring the fact that he is brahmin.

CG3: Oh thats like the scent of summer. In my college people puke such stinky stuff that....

After completing a Live Size model of Pamela Anderson and INS Vikraant I realize my food has come. I gobble it up and make my exit. 

 
Some post trauma inquiries revealed that these were professionals who were actually working in a nearby company. They were reminiscing. Or whatever the word is.